We’re all loaded in with different presets
An exploration of the iPhone as a metaphor for life.
When we're born, we're essentially a brand new iPhone. It has the basics. It has an operating system. Phone, text—you know. They get updated by Apple every now and again. Same as us. We grow. We change. But we can't really affect that stuff much.
But then we have all kinds of apps installed when we're young by our parents and schools and that cute girl, oh and that bully, and that time Ben stole my crayon.
What we're born into is, let's say, "who we are." This is the background onto which our personality is painted.
As we go through life, the background is ebbing and flowing. Year to year, decade to decade. We're being carried along by "who we are" that is fundamental to us (the operating system and base apps).
The "personality" though is the collecting of everything "else" on our phone. These are the apps that all those other people download onto us when we're young. And these are protective mechanisms and personality traits we learned as adaptive little kid sponges.
As an adult, this is where the work happens. We can work with apps. We get choice about apps.
It's all about going in, looking around at each app. Do we still need this old parking app from vacation a few years ago in France? Probably not, no. Let's get rid of that! How about our banking app? Yep, should keep that one!
So, we delete some and keep some. Some we update. Some we find new uses for. That's life, too.
We get to control the apps we run, the tools we use, the beliefs we carry, and the stories we see as real. We are each in control of our own perspective. That's all we can control, really.
You may be thinking that we also choose our actions or our choices. But I would disagree. Hear me out.
When we change our perspectives, the doorway we're looking out into the world with changes, and hopefully gets wider. That way, we can be seeing a "wider view" of life. That's helpful because it informs our learning perspectives as they're being uploaded with better data. The wider the door, the more information we evolve with.
So, the key to success in life—the key to making life the playground that it is—is to change your identity. If we can’t change the underlying hardware or presets, all we can change is our perspective.
So, change the lenses you're wearing on life. And then let THAT perspective carry you onward. Don’t worry about making the right choice. Become the person who makes the right choice, and the choice will be made for you.
And when it's not working, don’t just try to do something differently. You can only act based on the programming you currently have. Unless the calculator app suddenly takes pictures, you need new apps. And the only way to get new apps… is to CREATE your new identity.
Identity is the wholeness of the background—hardware, apple software—and the perspective—the apps, chosen and unchosen.
Now think—We get to choose who we become by choosing the apps we get rid of the and the new ones we get.
Cool, right?
When you choose who you are, you’re investing in who you believe yourself to be. And, when you literally believe in yourself, the actions aligned of that self will naturally be chosen, and you will become that self.
That means that the ability to evolve our identity is the single most important part of living a fulfilling and actualized life.
The task then is twofold:
Update and clear up old apps so they are functional for the current life situation (Trauma Healing: Self-Unbecoming)
Develop totally new apps that solve problems and enhance overall life (Agentic Growth: Self-Becoming)
As we lose ourselves and the trauma patterns we carried for our whole life, we create the space for new and self-chosen identities, beliefs, and patterns of being. Then we actually start to become. In the ebbs and flows of unlearning and relearning, we are in the ever-changing process of being ourselves.
As the tide comes in, so it must come out. Time and the clock of change don't stop just so we can figure ourselves out completely. We're always still becoming and unbecoming. The trick is to do it consciously and conscientiously. Take it slow. Enjoy the ride. Be kind to others.
And that's life, baby. It's simple. And it's complicated. And it’s ALWAYS changing.
But all we can do is choose to enjoy the one life we have. From the one view we have it from.
And that is always happening… Right Now.
Blessings,
Faolan
Here are a few ways you can support my work and stay connected:
🍓 Become a paid subscriber to get access to exclusive meditations and group calls.
🌀 Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call
📚 Read my book Why Live? The Beautiful and Painful Mess of Learning to Love Life
💬 Invite me to speak or facilitate at your event or organization